[shadowedmemoire] - When Black Meets Pink

I have moved!

2011-09-24T02:51:00.002+08:00

http://www.thepinkattic.tumblr.com

Do visit there instead! Thank you!

it's holiday!

2011-05-18T22:03:00.002+08:00

and im bored to death!
i have been giving tuitions for the first few weeks of my holidays
and now most kids are having their holidays. the parents are giving their child a break which means no money for me which means no shopping, no spending.
ARGH.
i wish i had saved up some money so i can go for a holiday.. im so jealous of seeing ppl gng for a holiday.
sososososo jealous!
rawr!

holiday?~

2011-04-11T15:51:00.002+08:00

exams starting in three days time exams ending in four days time. i know, i know. LOL. i only got two papers. but enough to drive me crazy cos ALL the assignments are due on friday too. i shld really be studying now. AND I AM. i have all the notes infront of me right now! but im just thinking. actually i kinda like having to wake up and having something to do everyday. im actually not that excited abt holidays. nothing to look forward to. am gonna just slp at crazy times and wake up at crazy times. i mean, it's alright to once in a blue moon be able to spent one whole day nua-ing on the bed. but not EVERYDAY. makes life so meaningless and i cant really go look for a proper part-time work. first, it's diffucult cos im bonded. secondly, im giving tuitions. so kinda difficult for me to get a part-time job and accomodate with my tuitions. WAH. super sianz. mayb i will go on a short holiday. or go backpacking on my own. see the world before it gets all flooded! ok. back to work~

2011-03-14T22:52:00.000+08:00

if u have decided to get out my life.
then dont come back.
it's quite torturing everytime.

i need to be stronger.

2011-03-14T01:48:00.001+08:00

it's painful to even think of your name.
much more to see your pictures.

so weak. i've fallen sick again. sigh.

How to customize your iphone!

2011-03-10T22:51:00.005+08:00

Ok. this is probably one of the most useful blog entry im gonna come up with. because there has been ppl asking me how i customize my iphone. aside from jailbreaking, you can also customize through this website: http://www.codethemed.com/

of course, im not talking about starting from scratch like designing your own icons or what. but more like downloading icon sets and other stuff from online and putting them tgt to form your own theme.

ahh.. the beauty of internet.

of course, downloading themes from cydia is so much more easier. but it can gets irritating sometimes when you want your own wallpaper or lockscreen or you only like the icons. this is what happened when i was trying to look for the suitable icons for my current wallpaper. either i get the whole theme which will not allow me to use my wallpaper or the icons are not to my liking. so i stumbled upon this method which you can create your own theme. using your own wallpaper and icons which you can easily dl online.

this is how my iphone look like now~Just a simple one, nothing fanciful.. but definitely my style.

ok. so these are the steps to making your own theme.

1) Sign up at http://www.codethemed.com/

2) Go to yahoo/google/anysearchengine and search for iphone icons set. I got some from here:

http://speckyboy.com/2008/07/18/35-free-icon-sets-for-your-iphone-pimp-it-up/

and

http://www.toffeenutdesign.com/goodies

just download the files (normally in zip files) and unzip them. im sure most of you will know how to do this part.

3) sign into codethemed and click on "build a theme now"

4) You should come to this page.

You can choose to upload your own background or use the background there. i did not upload my supergirl background on codetheme but opt to set it as my background and lockscreen on my iphone instead. that was because when i upload the picture on codethemed.. the proportion is not right and no matter what i do i cant scale it to the way i want. so yeah.. it's up to you.

Then comes the part you customize your icons! you can either use the other icons codethemed provide u or you upload the icons which you downloaded. If you would refer to the picture above.. clicking on an icon on the iphone will allow you to see what are the other icons offered from codethemed. if you choose to use the uploaded one, then u will upload the icons that you downloaded and hold and drag the uploaded icon to the icon on the iphone which you want to replace.

Easy right! I shall not go onto the details for the rest of it. But you can customize your docks and lockscreen and stuff.. it's pretty user-friendly and you shld be able to explore it on your own.
Oh! and impt! if lets say you want to change an icon like your ebuddy icon but as you can see, it is not provided in the iphone in codethemed soooo you can add in the icon by clicking that "Add Icon" above the iphone. then it will add the icon for you but take note.. the name of this icon MUST be the same as the one on your real iphone.. so when you upload your theme into your iphone.. it can sync properly.

5) after you are done, you will save the changes and download the theme! easy peassyyyy
6) now.. you would have to transfer this theme to your iphone! to do this, you must download iphone explorer.
step 1: make sure you have itunes 9.2 or later installed
step 2: install 'afc2add' from cydia and reboot ur device
step 3: download and install iphone explorer from: http://www.macroplant.com/iphoneexplorer/
step 4: run iphone explorer, plug in your iphone, and some folders will appear at the left menu. Go to root - var - stash - themes. There, you can then transfer your theme which you downloaded to your iphone. i think you would have downloaded the theme in a zip file.. so of course, you must unzip and extract it then you will transfer the whole file into the theme folder.

then tadah! you will have your very own customized theme. :) hope this helps you! if there's any problem, feel free to contact me thru my chatbox.. hmm. tho it seems to be spam by spammers.
darn this spammers. rawr!

what doesnt kill me, will make me a stronger person.

2011-03-08T20:13:00.003+08:00

i havent been blogging for awhile
because words cant seem to describe what i feel recently.
because i dont even know what have my feelings been like
i know im just burying everything. and it has better stay that way.
and even when im not feeling that great, not wanting to smile, just wanna be alone..
i just cant bring myself to do that. because it will depressed the friends around me who are having their own problem.
seriously. a whole group of depressed ppl is just suicidal.
alright. not really seriously lur. just saying.

if my smile can bring another smile which would bring another smile.. everyone will be happier. right?

right.

2011-01-01T23:26:00.002+08:00

it really hurts..
when i know that im not worth that effort
to know that im being given up for such a reason

Bye 2010.

2010-12-31T15:47:00.002+08:00

Another Year come and go.
I started this year with my first relationship and ended this year with the second one.
the latter one still hurts. but they are lessons of life.
This year has been one which i think i really spent lotsa of time playing l4d2... killing zombies, less partying than last year, less crazy stuff.
i did accomplish my 2010 resolution tho, welll... not entirely.. but satisfactory enough.. if you looked through one of my post earlier this year.. i had a resolution which i said will work on it
The resolution was to slim down.
OK. mayb i havent slim down to the very slim kind.. but at least i have more confidence with myself now.
it has been a year of life lessons on love and relationship, and I think I got to know myself more now. About what i want from a relationship and how things work and stuff. Well, at least i still stick to my own principles.
it was also another year of knowing more new people. some stayed and some left. some turned my world upside down.
actually i have no idea where i wanna go for today's countdown..
intended to spend it with someone special...but a turn of events.. left me lost.
i know.. i have no lack of places to go..
but the only person i want to spend my countdown with is you.

2010-12-29T03:26:00.002+08:00

i cant say what i desperately want to say
because i just want everything to be normal
even if it means we are just gonna stay friends.
even if it means im just lying on my bed everyday
staring at the ceiling
thinking what i did wrong.

2010-12-28T19:27:00.002+08:00

mayb it's my fault.
mayb u fall for someone else.
i wish time will turn back so i can do something about it.
there's no one like you
who i can spent hours talking and laughing.. and not feel bored
no one who is like you.. yet.

Waiting like a fool.

2010-12-23T14:13:00.001+08:00

Maybe. I'm just not special anymore.

2010-12-09T00:31:00.002+08:00

我也会害怕
害怕历史会重演
怕说出来就会成为事实

过后又好气自己
好气自己这么没自信

今天好吗？

2010-11-11T01:20:00.004+08:00

A really bad night and an equally bad day in school
stress makes everyone crank up.
i felt like im gonna break down.

but im lucky this time round.
because you are there.
supporting me with smses which could make me smile at the darkest period.
thank you, love. :)

2010-11-06T18:24:00.003+08:00

sometimes, i just feel that im not mature enough.
fear too much.
think too much.
care too much.

i cant concentrate. argh

You are my best Medicine.

2010-10-27T23:53:00.001+08:00

I wanna go star-gazing soon.
Because i wanna catch a shooting star.

I needa make a wish.

I wish this will nvr end. :)

Humanities

2010-09-29T14:10:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, I was out with BTSS.

and we were talking abt tuitions, blar blar blar

and he asked if im more of a humanities person or science/maths person

i am. a. humanities. person

and he tried to convey the message to me that 'humanities is a waste of time"

which he cldnt bring himself to tell me in the face, but i completed the sentence for him anyway.

i argued back. but i know that when i was in secondary school, i thought exactly the same way as him.

why do we have to study history? why do we have to learn to read map? why should we know about sri lanka, tamil tigers and all that?

maths, science, english seems to be more useful at that point of time.

indeed.

but humanities, as the name suggest, teach you about being human.

it's something, maths, science and language cant teach you to be.

my geography tutor told me this on the first week of my geo module "A school which dont provide humanities for their students will produce people of no soul"

i agreed. but unfortunately, many people left school NOT knowing WHY they had to study those subjects. and they left the true meaning of these subjects behind them. which is pretty sad. and it's something which i really want to change in the future as i teach.

History is not just about the past, it's about the study of human's actions, how events progress, how it shaped the current world, how we can use lessons of the past to make our future world a BETTER place. you, your children, your grandchildren are going to be part of this FUTURE world. Does it not concern you?

Geography is not just about reading maps and knowing what's tml's weather. it is about knowing the future world too. knowing the crisis Earth is facing, the kind of environment you are staying, knowing what you myst do to prevent your country from SINKING, what you SHOULD do to preserve this Earth for yourself and your future generations. Does it not concern you?

Social studies IS NOT propaganda. It's about you knowing about your own country. Knowing why certain policies are shaped. Knowing why our government has to do things a certain way. It's about your identity and where you belong. A politician who doesnt know anything about our country can ruin a country. Does it not concern you?

i wish these messages were relay to us when we had to study these subjects. not knowing why we study a subject can make one feel very 'sian' to study it. and the trend still continues on. but one day, it will change for the better. and i want to be part of this change, what about you?

Family Day :D

2010-09-15T23:19:00.003+08:00

ok. finally pictures in this boring blog. alright. no more pms. anyway.. i had a family gathering last friday. recently, certain things that my friends point out to me made me realise i am indeed very lucky to have these relatives. too many of my friends were distant from their relatives. Conflicts, money matters, etc. they barely even see their relatives unless it's chinese new year.
while i do not ALWAYS meet up with them, we do meet occasionally, and it's always great to catch up with them and joke around. even tho my brothers and me are considered the youngest in the grp (actually not really, now that there's our nephew and niece.. we are so out of the category. but they cant hold proper conversation yet so..... WE STILL CONSIDERED YOUNGEST OF THE GRP!) and we are always on the different topics (when im in p school, they talk abt sec school, then they poly, im in sec school..blr blar.. now they talking abt marriage and IM STILL IN UNI), we always manage to find some topic to talk crap on.

i guessed most of my friends would have seen my relatives at my bdae party last mth. i didnt realise it until some of them point out to me that they were very surprised that my relatives were so on and helpful by helping me with so many things, like bbq-ing, preparing food, etc. it's something that i wouldnt have learn to appreciate if they havent point it out because we are so accustomed to helping each other in such event, like ROM, wedding dinner.. and yes, im now so much appreciative of having them around and im really glad we are that close.

the above pictures were taken in a family gathering on hari raya ph. it was my uncle's bdae. OK. i know i kinda oni took pictures of food. LOL!! but we were having too much fun talking behind the camera to camwhore. i can still rmb some of the funniest conversation that send us ROFL.

ok. this conversation revolve ard me gng jogging at night. i rmb us going "......" then burst out in laughters.

mom: she always go jogging at night! even on 7th month (hungry ghost fest)
me: i even went swimming what.. oso nth wrong
cousin jin: wahh.. if i go jogging right.. i will stop after 7pm. i will nvr jog after 7pm
us: huh.. how come? *in anticipation of some eerie stories*
cousin jin: becos too many mosquitoes wot.. they kept biting me
us: .......... CHEYY...

and alot more lar. then we got a crazy nephew who wont stay in the vip room. kept wanting to go out so we have to keep bringing him out. he's one drama kid sia. whenever he's in the vip room, he will kick ard and make sad face and threaten to cry but whenever we open the door to go out, he will change his expressions immediately. sigh.. kids.. but he's so cute!! hehh.. i think there was a time when we all dont meet up that often becos now my mom is working, the rest dont really come up to my house alrd (normally they wld suggest coming up on ph) but with the new nephew, we have been meeting up again and it has been great fun with a new member ard. now there's one more niece, Giselle, and i cant wait to see her on her first mth!!

ok. hahahaha.. a positive entry for once. :D it's dedicated to my relatives lar. love you lovelies! :D

Rant Number 2

2010-09-03T22:06:00.002+08:00

im so full of angst recently, it's scaring me.
but i know it's the ppl ard me.
which makes me wanna roll my eyes and throw the nearest thing at them.
i dunno why.
i mean seriously.

I KNOW. one day. im gonna be a teacher.
but what i dont understand is, when i said something sensible, reasonable or THE uncomfortable truth
ppl likes to go..
"yeah lar. we have to listen to you, cos you are the teacher!"
oh, and these ppl are ppl of MY AGE. some even older than me.
i had to clench my fists to prevent myself from hitting them and saying "IM SAYING THAT FROM MY OWN PERSPECTIVE AND EVEN IF IM NT GONNA B A TEACHER, I WILL SAY THE BLOODY SAME THING!"

what the hell is wrong with them? do you need a teacher to tell you what's right or wrong? do you need a teacher to tell you simple things like 'smoking is bad'?

AND. i hate it when people tries to determine what your life should be just because you are going to be or is a teacher. "You shouldn't go clubbing" "You shouldn't go drinking" "You shouldnt go enjoy your life because you should be home marking papers" "You shouldnt scold your kids in public because it sets a bad example for other parents" blar blar blar blar.

You know what. Just go live your own life. Stop trying to determine what life I should lead because I'm confident that no matter what kind of lifestyle I lead, I will eventually fulfil my duty well as a teacher. Stop judging me by my facebook pictures and actually look at what I have did for my students. Enough said.

ARGH

2010-08-31T02:57:00.003+08:00

YES.
I FELT INSULTED.
SO BLOODY INSULTED.
i dont understand some ppl.
they hate it when ppl challenge their views/opinions/beliefs.
they act like these ppl are trying to pick a fight with them
then threw insults and try to ridicule them.
and allows their shallow mind to continue on and on and on. because they refuse to accept other ppl's views and opinions! even if it is the truth which contradict with them, they refuse to acknowledge it. WHY? why is that so???
and u know why racism, discrimination and stereotypes havent been able to stop?
because, whenever ppl make jokes or ridicule about another race, even if the audience do not agree, most of them will rather shut up. WHY? because they dont wanna b 'accuse' of siding the minorities, the discriminated ones and so on. and yes. im guilty of it too like many of these people out there. AND WHY? because i know that if tried, i will get ridicule by these ppl too! they start to laugh at you, shoot you down, make you so bloody embarrassed that you felt that it would b better for you to shut up from the beginning! AND HOW DO I KNOW THIS? because that's what i get when i bring up topics that i felt strongly for/against. WTH is wrong with these people? i know you have this kind of opinions and views because you lack certain understanding. oh~ but are you thankful? NO. what did i get? INSULTS. then go on, go on with your shallow views.

"BUT IT'S MY VIEW! WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO THINK! WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME TO CHANGE MY VIEWS?" , as some will say

u build a certain kind of views with the knowledge you had. you are not ABLE TO CHANGE OR DEVELOP these views or opinions because YOU DONT HAVE MORE KNOWLEDGE ABOUT IT OR THAT YOU REFUSE TO OPEN YOUR STUBBORN MIND TO LET INFORMATION WHICH YOU KNOW WILL CONTRADICT YOUR VIEWS INTO IT. and why is that so? BECAUSE you dont wanna ADMIT you could be WRONG and that you might wanna CHANGE YOUR STAND. or that you just WANNA stay in the MAJORITY AND CONTINUE TO RIDICULE OTHER RACES, SEXES, RELIGIONS to remain cool, funny, 'normal' to your friends. know what? it's not cool, funny or normal.

omg. im so angry i think im gonna blow up. and no, this post isnt about any single incident but somthing that i always wanna speak about for a long time. it happened to me so many bloody times. and i felt so insulted when ppl try to ridicule me by hinting that i thought im a know-it-all, or that i love certain race so im siding them and so on.

WHEN WILL PPL LEARN TO BURST THEIR OWN LITTLE BUBBLE AND STARTING LISTENING TO OTHERS' VIEWS AND OPINIONS WITH RESPECT???

HAHA.

2010-08-19T02:34:00.003+08:00

wth. i just chance upon the funniest site ever. ok. i might b too slow. and everyone could have seen it alrd.

http://benglish.kennysia.com/?add=http://shadowedmemoire.blogspot.com

u can do it with ur blog too. even emo posts look funny now. haha

One step forward, a step backward.

2010-08-18T23:10:00.003+08:00

so difficult to gain a friend
so easy to lose one.
i gave in. and all u did was to disappoint me more.
it's like u cant b bothered. what more can i say then?
whatever.

on lighter note. actually not lighter note.
NOW I KNOW WHY EVERYONE KEEP SAYING AFTER THEY ORGANIZE A BDAE PARTY THAT IT'S GONNA B THEIR LAST ONE. god damn many things to think about. im like. Zzzzz.. and i know i dont look like it.. but im quite perfectionist in certain (not ALL) things. and yeah. i spent quite a bomb on misc stuff. HAIZ.
but the ultimate aim of the this party is really to see those who have been with me at certain point of my life. some friends come, some friends go. and i do miss some of them. i dont really need to make it anymore special because as long as those who matters are there, it's special enough for me.
looking forward to seeing all of them on sat :)

3.44

2010-08-15T02:48:00.002+08:00

I wish you could tell me what i wanna hear.
like that time when you first called.
but of cos.. it was foolish thinking.
you are too difficult for me to figure out.

it's giving me a huge headache

Forever?

2010-08-02T20:20:00.003+08:00

f.r.i.e.n.d.s.

i have been awaiting.
for those few i cared for.
to see if they care enough to call.

im waiting for one to call me and apologize. or at least, explain.
another one to tell me i have been missed and when are we going out soon?
then another one to call and talk random crap like how it used to be.
and so many more.

yet it has been disappointment and more disappointment as the days go past. then weeks. and i wonder, maybe years?
ppl get on with their own life, somehow.
kinda selfish to want them to continue be an important part of ur life, eh?
when obviously, u are becoming to be a shadow in theirs.

Forever, is the worst lie ever told.

2010-07-13T23:54:00.000+08:00

this could be a start of a big change.
i can only hope i will suceed this time.
for good.

take a step back.

2010-07-11T18:37:00.002+08:00

im sick and tired of being so weak.
there could only be one reason why im still willing to see you.

but your reason and my reason is different.

it's tearing me apart. seriously.

2010-07-01T17:44:00.003+08:00

真的好弱
一直死撑着，以为这样撑就会过去
还是崩溃了
还麻烦到其他人
嗨。。

我知道哭没有错
可是，我就是讨厌在人家面前哭

let's just say, it was just a coincidence

2010-06-20T16:35:00.003+08:00

there was a few time i really wanna blog but i dont know what to blog.
ok. i wont say my mood is great these few days and i dont really want to blog about upsetting stuff.
i kinda hate it when ppl say "y r u so emo?" "r u emo-ing?" i get alot of these recently and im just sick of it. "Emo" just sounds really negative to me and it sounds like a disease. and i hate to appear to others to being emo. Y CANT I JUST B HAVING A BAD MOOD? or just being DOWN? or just having PMS?

ok. i ended up ranting to. HAHAHA. just realised all my blogs been endless wordings. but dont really have much pictures. mayb tml! will b bringing out my dslr. it has been resting for quite awhile!~shall go to haji lane and try so artsy pictures. havent really master it.. :x

so long peepppps~ :D

2010-06-09T00:55:00.002+08:00

the only reason why im saying im ok.
is because.
i realise, nothing anyone else say will make me feel better.
i appreciate all the efforts.
but, saying is easy, putting it in actions.... is so so so difficult.

of cos, time will heal.
but every second is a torture.
every single bloody second.

2010-05-30T22:13:00.001+08:00

i dunno to feel better or to feel worse.

sometimes i wonder.

2010-05-28T05:17:00.001+08:00

when i was about to give up,
you will hold my hand again.

and suddenly i feel good all over again.
it's amazing how a simple action could turn my mood around so fast.
yet sometime, it could also plunge me to the deepest pit.
oh well, i guess tts what falling in love is all about.
:)

R is for Rude.

2010-05-15T05:08:00.003+08:00

irritated. TTM.
i hate mass-smsing to ppl and only getting few replies.
OK. WAIT. not tt im saying i reply all the time to sms.
sometimes i read and then i will think about it.
then when i make a decision, i wld reply.
and I ADMIT. i will forget sometimes.
BUT. when i try to contact people by THREE MODES of communication and not getting any is plain rude. sms, call and msn. ESPECIALLY when you know i am not calling you to just CHITCHAT.
and if by any chance you weren't able to reply any.. the least you can do is to apologize after u have seen a miss call, no??
argh.

Cheers if you are happy.

2010-05-04T06:32:00.003+08:00

it's true.
drinking doesnt make u forget things.
it makes u more upset.
u will lose control of your emotions.
u get upset.
u cry.
u sobbed for hours.
u do stupid things.
then u wake up the next day not remembering what you were upset about!
yes. i totally understand what Shila was telling me one day that she will never go drink and club when she's emo-ing.
totally. learnt my lesson.

sometimes i just think.
whether are we from totally different world.
are we?
if we are from different world, can we still be together?

ROFL

2010-05-03T02:06:00.003+08:00

a funny conversation that took place at the back of my dad's van
me: *took chewing gum from mom who just came back from msia* "wah.. how come this chewing gum's packaging look like condom one sia"
bro: "what is condom?" ( i said condom in chinese so.. u know.. as his chinese abit CMI)
me: "something u use when u do something at night and u dont wanna have baby"
bro: "WAH! HOW U KNOW WOT IT LOOK LIKE! U DO BEFORE AR"
me: "i see it in mom's room before.. supermarket oso have wot.. next time show u"
mom: "hannor. sua ku"
bro: "WAH! MA! U STILL DOING IT AR?"
mom: "..... of cos. even lao ah pek oso still can do.. u know those who date young china girls? ur dad younger than those lao ah pek.. of cos still can.. "
me: "BWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH"

2010-05-01T06:57:00.003+08:00

it was a reminder.
a harsh one.
i always depended on myself.
no reason why that shld change.
just when i was getting used to depending on others.
thanks to fate.
im harshly reminded that only me myself ... i can depend on.
me myself i could rely on.
me myself i could trust.
me myself i could always call on.
i will pick myself up.

i needa shoot some zombies

2010-04-18T02:11:00.002+08:00

this is sick.
i cant believe this.. 3 more days to historical interpretation exams and science assignment.
im not even half done.
and i havent even start on the europe history. and my exam is on friday.
this sem is screwed up.
i've got stable grades for the two history assignment and i DO NOT WANT to screw them up by flunking the exams.
omg. this time i really. bloody. need a miracle.

oh god.

the dark night.

2010-04-16T13:02:00.003+08:00

what am i suppose to do with you?
you are either really ignorant or you just cant b bothered
i wonder if u are thinking as of the same line as me.
you just don't understand.
i feel really insecure.
and it's a scary feeling.

Baby~

2010-04-14T04:42:00.003+08:00

am so addicted to this song :D

i always love it when you say goodnight with loves :D u cant imagine how such simple thing makes me happpppyyyy..

Sometimes I wonder...

2010-04-10T19:21:00.002+08:00

I wonder if im what you really want..
i wonder if you really know what kind of person i am.
all this still seems like a dream.
but i know im gonna be really selfish..
i will be holding on until you want to let go.

Foolish

2010-04-04T06:23:00.002+08:00

i wished i knew from the very start.
but it doesnt matter now.
lessons learnt, no matter good or bad, are always precious.

now i've got someone who will always hold my hand, im happppy enough :D
hehhhhhh

it's true.
he who will always find your hand, will eventually find a way to your heart

u are heart.

2010-04-03T03:49:00.002+08:00

i dunno if im in love.
i've got no one else before you to compare this feeling i have now
i know im still stepping on thin ice.
im unsure. im not confident.
but one thing for sure.
i definitely want you right here right now.

and i still believe. it's fate.

1,2,3

2010-02-19T13:52:00.002+08:00

havent been posting as frequently.. probably because of the convenience of twitter..
LOL. yeah man! i've got an iphone and stillll overexcited about it!!!!!
but i guess ive been rather anti-social.. keep using my iphone.. okkk. cant live in the world of technology too much. i guess this is what they meant when they say ppl get buried in the world of technology so much they forgot abt building relationship with the people around them..

been busy. with my own life than schoolwork i guess. this year is bound to be a busy one.. a mixture of school work and many many birthday parties.

im currently sitting in this insignificant corner in NIE library alone. i quite like this corner.. it's like a mini balcony and specially for loners.. LOL.. emo corners of the library. i was wandering around in the library trying to find a place to sit when i suddenly rmb walking past these mini-balconies which people would sit alone at.. it's actually quite serene.
and yeahhh. i wanna b alone because im emo-ing over my trashy presentation.. i felt like i've did a bad job.. ok. i know i did a bad job. i had very good materials.. but i did not utilized its potential and whatever mistake my tutor pointed out to me was alrd stuff that i knew and because i was too nervous.. i oversee those things. sighhhhhh.....

ok. enough ranting. still got loads of deadline to meet. i feel like sleeeeppingg man.. :(

HaPpyyyy Lunar NewwwWW YEar!

2010-02-14T14:35:00.003+08:00

i always think chinese new year has a more festive feel than New Year itself and it really marks a real start to a new year because there was so many celebrations and traditions..
clearing the room, cleaning the house, eating reunion dinner... really marks the start of a new year..
and this CNY looks like it may be a special one.. i hope so :)

How can something so deadly feels so right?

2010-02-04T22:32:00.001+08:00

you broke almost all my rules
and send my world spinning out of control.

things to do.

2010-02-03T15:54:00.001+08:00

cant even bear to list it down.
Dr F is right. i shld stop enjoying life.
haha

Busyyyy busyy~

2010-01-30T02:05:00.002+08:00

okkk~ so it's true. each sem gets busier and busier.
im so busy that i hardly even have time to sleep, let alone tidy up my room that looks like ww3 has just occur there
and i feel so tired everyday i sleep whenever i can, on the mrt, bus, classes...
and it's nt even busy on schoolwork yet..
the past week was filled with family events, bdae parties, etc..

ok. i shld b tidying up my room..
oh god, i cant bring myself to do that..

2010-01-25T01:38:00.001+08:00

and.. i give in again
u always make me feel like a fool..

lets hope..
it's the last time.

can you keep a secret?

2010-01-20T15:03:00.003+08:00

sometimes, i hate knowing wot ppl dont know
and hiding these secrets mean hurting some ppl..
im tired.
i wanna help. i dont wanna see friends get hurt.
but i promised to keep my mouth shut.
it's contradicting. i dont feel right. either way i will do some ppl wrong.
ohhhh crap. i hate this kind of situation.

IMY. big time.

2010-01-15T15:53:00.002+08:00

something that i was already on the verge of saying
but stop myself before that.
i dunno if i've disappoint you once again.
but i just cant believe u will say that.
said something that has been on my mind from day to night
and i dont know whether u mean it or not.

i still dont know whether i've done the right thing or not.

blank.

2010-01-13T15:06:00.004+08:00

seriously.
year 2, 2nd sem is no joke.
im only on my third day, i've got loads to do.. tons to read..
and my lecturer has come to me and asked when i would like to see him for consultation.
.........................................................................................

i realise i have been stoning for quite abit recently.
yeah.. i know im always doing that..but recently.. im just doing it more
not tht i dont know why
ok. i think im gonna work my brain overtime soon.

craving.

2010-01-11T16:00:00.004+08:00

i shocked my mom to speechless state with the first sentence i said after i got out of bed early this morning
'i wan to drink honeeyyy"
she was like.. 'what? u want to drink honey?"
machiam like i said i wanna drink shark's fins soup or birdnest sia.
i think her expression was classic.
anyway. it's was just this weird craving i had when i woke up from a dream tt i dont rmb alrd and the first thing i was thinking is "honey lemon~" and it was 5.17am and i should only wake up at 6am (yes. im darn weird. i wan to nua until the absolute last min in which i shld then get myself out of the bed)
and then i still think whether shld i go buy on my way to school but thinking it's too early, i then decided that i will ask my mom to help me make a cup of honey drink after i woke up at 6am and then fall aslp again after mking that decision
ok. i know that was darn random. HAHA. AND IM LATE FOR SCHOOL THIS MORNING. darn. i had the strictest lecturer who absolutely dont allow anyone to be late for 1 min and her lesson is at 8.30am~~~~~~~~~ omg. i can TOTALLY foresee another 12 weeks of torturous morning trying to be on time.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2010-01-09T04:32:00.002+08:00

the fear is like..inflating
too afraid to go to sleep
too tired to stay awake
it's like my mind is not mine
and it always go to matters that i do not want to think about now
when faced when something u cant stop..
what can you do?

curl up like a ball.

2010-01-08T02:46:00.003+08:00

suddenly.. i felt more burdened than ever.
i felt like im being torn apart into two.
and im really afraid of the dark recently.
it reminds me of things i dont wanna think.

and i so wanted to call u and rant.
it's like to a breakdown point.
but i know u probably dont wanna listen to me anymore.

Numb!

2010-01-05T23:08:00.002+08:00

im so amazed at anaesthetic!!
works like magic sia!
tho i wont wan to try it again cos i really hate needles.. esp when it's poke into the back of the hand for like hours and every movement with the hand somehow push the needle more in.
ok. just the thought of it makes my hair stand. I HATE NEEDLES
but the anaesthetic doctor was funny. OK. or rather i think he might find me funny. cos i was laughing away at his questions like "do you have any kidney and liver problem" and i was thinking, probably hardened like a rock alrd... ANYWAY.. then he was inserting the needle and he was like "alrighttttt! that's my baby!".. i would have burst out laughing if not for feeling the needle going in.
and then anyway. i had to wait again so i sat outside reading the mags and i was still thinking whether they gave me the anaesthetic (i find it so difficult to spell this word) drug alrd because im feeling sleepy alrd.. but apparently they havent lar.. only when im in the operating theatre then they would give it to me. AND THIS IS THE AMAZING PART! they told me while inserting the drug that my hand will feel abit numb and warm and then they were giving me the oxygen thingy.. and the next thing i know im waking up after the whole thing alrd.
LOL!! i still rmb waking up to amazement at how everything works. i thought i would be drowsy and then falling aslp slowly.. ok. i think mayb i was alrd sleepy. BUT STILL.

WAH. im still so amazed!! BWAHAHAHAH!!
ok. i think there's no one else so overexcited about anaesthetic aside from me alrd.
zzz.. i think it still makes me sleeppppyyy despite sleeping the whole day... *yawns*

HAPPY 2010~~

2010-01-01T16:42:00.001+08:00

hmmm.. 2009 seems like a very short year..it's true! once u hit 20.. each year seems to fly past very fast~!!
this year has been a fruitful one.. got to know many new people, made alot of new friends, went to a few countries... and yeah.. it has been a crazy year..
of course, there were up and down.. and i think the best thing about facing a new start of the year is that.. you learn something new about yourself and that life lessons are learnt, be it bitter or sweet.
i dont make any new year resolution anymore.. because i cant ever seems to follow them. HAHAH. but B called me 5am in the morning just when i was about to go to sleep and ramble on about his new year resolutions. i think i will just make one. BUT IT'S A SECRET!!!! hahaha.. i will work hard to make it come true de!
anyway! sorry for those that i did not manage to convey my well wishes for the new year to.. my phone went crazy and alot of msges did not get sent out and i received alot of msges that were sent earlier.. SINGTEL! DO SOMETHING ABT IT!!
SO ANYWAY! HAPPY 2010 TO EVERYONE!! even if 2009 hasnt been a good year for you.. rmb! it's all life lessons! and hopefully 2010 would be a better one for everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

give the throat a break, wont you

2009-12-29T02:47:00.003+08:00

my nose is so blocked that my taste bud is not rejecting cough medicine which i usually gag whenever i put it near me.
and i just realised i didnt do my CCA holiday homework so im currently chionginggg.
it comprises of looking for the px of customised domain name WHICH I TOOK A HELL OF A TIME looking becos i assume wordpress, tumblr, blogspot, multiply all has this magic button then when u click, u will come to this page and just change ur current LONGGG domain name into yourname.com at a price. apparently, most of them are not like that.. and i took awhile to realise that it all requires a third party like godaddy.com(WHAT KIND OF NAME IS THIS), iwantmyname.com blar blar blar. and im so irritated becos i need to wake up later at 9am so i can reach school by 11am and i havent eat my med and i know if i eat my med i will need to KO for 12 hours and it's alrd 3am. darn darn darn darn.
AND I WANT TO GET WELLLLL. becos i havent go running for awhile now and i wanna go swim!! but im coughing like mad and it's mad embarrassing when im in public and cough like crazy and everyone will think i have h1n1 or sars or something. I DUN WAN!!
ok. im rambling non-stop alrd. darn it. I NEED TO GET WELL!!!!!

Jump higher!

2009-12-28T01:36:00.004+08:00

im backkk!! ok. back a few days ago alrd but busy with my relatives who visit from muar and with my flu.. aww.. i think i caught it in mui ne when i walked around without my jacket and it was freaking cold. but still.. it was too beautiful a place to be angry with..

jump jump jump!! even the old lady who rents out the sailing board here knows that jump shot is a MUST there. more when im done with uploading the pictures! :D
meanwhile~ missss all~ :D

horn horn!

2009-12-20T23:26:00.002+08:00

ok. all i can say is the trip has been nothing but a hell of an exciting one.
i've been through biking on siem reap's dirt track and vietnam's crazy traffic
anddddd. if u ever think touk touk is dangerous enough on normal concrete road. think how it would be on a dirt track in rural areas. i finally know what's clinging for my dear life.
ok. i should be blogging everyday because there's always interesting tales to tell. but i will b so darn tired when i finally get back to the guesthouse.
two days till im finally back to singapore!!!

Backkkk from Bkkkk

2009-12-14T00:33:00.003+08:00

me: "i bought a HUGEEEEE disco ball from bkk leh! cool or wot!"
mom: "for wot"
me: "for fun lar. put in my room.. can dance disco all night"
mom: ".. u have all kind of rubbish in ur room"
*mom continue to look through my loot*
mom: "where's the snacks"
me: "red plastic bag lor"
mom: "only have the plastic bag in which u were putting ur disco ball just now wot.."
me: ".................... PLEASE BE GENTLE WITH IT ... AND DONT OPEN IT.. the snacks are below"
*mom still opens the plastic bag"
mom: "WHY THE HELL DID U GET TWO MORE SMALLER DISCO BALLS FORRRR?????????? OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG #*(&*%^$%#@$&^*^#$@"
me: .... because it will looks nicer?
*mom nags indefinitely...*

yes. it was a trip of impulsive, indecent and crazy spending.
the impact has hit me now..
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Retail therapy

2009-12-09T03:34:00.001+08:00

oh yes baby. bkk. shopping.

i.cant.wait.

2009-12-08T00:20:00.002+08:00

things to do before i fly off to bkk
1) tidy up my room (yes. i spent my WHOLE NIGHT tidying it ytd.. not enough 50% DONE. darn)
2) pack my stuff (i still cant decide between handcarry or pull alongggg luggage)
3) go temple get amulet
4) meet sammie
5) meet CAI
6) PLAN itenary (OMGGGGG.. I BET WE WILL LOST OUR WAY THERE)
7) LEARN HOW TO SPEAK THAI (i rmbering someone saying he will teach me BUT I STILL DONT KNOW HOW TO SAY "HOW MUCH IS THIS" IN THAI!!!!!!)
7) random stufffff which i have lost count....

omg. and my eyes!!!!!! OH GOD. I TOT IT HEALED. now it's red and itchy again. darn darn darnnnnnnnnn.

when running away helps.

2009-12-05T03:54:00.002+08:00

busy watching korean dramas. outings with friends and such.
TOTALLY looking forward to next wed. BKK TRIPPPP!!! hearing it from LZQ reallyyyy increase my anticipation for it. it's also mixed with anxiousness because all of us havent been there and we will be totally on our own..
been anticipating with it for like almost half a year.. planned it with someone who couldnt go in the end.. oh well.. i guess that's life.
ANYWAY. fully booked up till the day im flying.. sooooo.. ask me out only when im backk!! which is 22nd of dec. altho i would be around on 13th and 14th but it's also gonna be two busy days! then i would be flying to Cambodia then Vietnam!!! OMGOMGOMG. excitingexciting.
im so glad i would be able to make it back to baby aloyyysius' 1st bdae!! was in cambodia when he finally arrived in this world..
now to think of it.. i would b quite occupied when i come back too.. BECAUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. my fourth aunt-in-law finnnallllyyyyyyyy appealed successfully and could come in to Singapore from Msiaaaa to visit!!!! that means.. my favouuurrrritttteeee little cousin from msia is cominggggg.
oh god. she's so cute. when i went back last week.. i guess it's because we didnt see each other for like 1 year plus.. and she has grown so much.. she didnt talk much to me.. BUT ANYWAY.. she got rid of her shyness and starts to stick to me whenever i go..
then on my last night there.. she and my anotherrr little cousin (ohh.. i love herrr so muchhh too!!) were like "would you miss me when you go back to singapore" then the other was on my other side and saying "cannn i have your hp number please please" then because one of them was the child of my another aunt.. so she wont b coming to singapore hence she asked me to develop the picture i took with her so the cousin who would be coming to visit me could take the picture back for her. SO CUTE. ok. i can go on and on about them... they are the reasons why i would take the long bus rides back even tho i hate long distance travel. OK.. just a few pictures to round up the trippp whichhh was the retreat i mentioned. i couldnt go initially due to some issues but oh well.. i guess it's all fate! HAHAH

my incredibly BIGGG HOT PINK bag

my retreat of all time

HEHH.. my favourite cousinnnn who i mentioned! dont get me wronggg. i love all my cousinss.. i just love this sweetie more :D

my two sweeties!!

ANDDD. we finally did something different this time round.. we usually just stay around in my grandma's place.. but this time my uncle drove us up to this temple up a big hilllllll.. which is said to be quite good lar. lol.. i think most of us just anticipate in doing the "touching fish" thing. LOL.. they were like discussing stories about how some peope tio 4d after touching the fishes there! haha.. my dad, mom, bro and my aunt :D (i know. my brother is so abnormally tall)

trying to touch the head of the fish. HUATT ARRR

this fishes are easily the size of a seal!

then we just walked around the places and took pictures..

and lastly.. a crazy picture.. hahaha. and the only pic that doesnt show my stupid fringe :x GO SALON CUT OSO LIKE TT. ZZ.. WORSE STILL. hahaha..

cant wait to see them on the 23rd!!

2009-12-01T06:00:00.003+08:00

SERIOUSLY.
SOME freaking anonymous cowards seriously have so NO LIFE at all in them that they have to dig out ppl's life to add on excitement to their PATHETIC lifestyle.
yada yada. SOME cowards stay behind their computer screens criticizing other's life, googling stuff to dig out more 'gossips' about other's life (tt eventually lead to my blog. yeah yeah. im talking about you, internet paparazzi. i totally can track you.), not giving a damn about the ugly and evil actions they did. COME ON. how ANGELIC can you be? how perfect is your life to degrade someone else's life?
TWO WORDS. PATHETIC COWARDS.
you all should be the one being condemned.

fight till the end.

2009-11-22T06:24:00.003+08:00

i swear.
internet, tv and the bed are the bane of my exam period.
the amt of notes i conquered sitting in mac with none of those for 6 hours compared to the amt of notes i try to absorb while studying at home for like 10 hours is like. heaven and hell.
ok. probably not the best description but you get what i meant.
im glad im disciplined enough to not bring down my lappie during my mac studying sessions. or i would have dieee a uglier state. not tt im surviving. im farrrrrr from confident for my last paper. FAR. like. as far as singapore to the furthest place i can get on earth.
if civil rights dont come out, im seriously dead.
im seriously risking my life on it man. and if george bush and obama doesnt come out seperately. i would probably die too. ok. mayb they can come out in the same qn. i can then fill out 5 pages more easily. and if imperial presidency doesnt come out. i would probably just sit in the middle of the exam hall and whine and cry and whine and cry until someone throw me out and kick me to US.
ok. i have no idea wot im freaking writing alrd. try studying for 6 hours straight man. i didnt even take a break. that i would have to thank my trustable macdonald $1.85 coffee with three packets of sugar and 2 packets of creamer. i bet im gonna dream of US. but not for long.
becos i would have to wake up a few hours later to the rest of US history.
it's gonna b a tough battle....
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

2009-11-21T03:13:00.002+08:00

suddenly, i feel that i dont wanna have anything to do with u anymore.

i really need a getaway.
i needa run away.
i needa just..
i dunno
argh.

2009-11-20T05:53:00.002+08:00

u are seriously driving me to a corner.
i cant believe this is happening again.
argh. shldnt i be more disciplined alrd.
im letting history repeat itself. AND. im a history student. and i shld know better than to let history repeat itself. OH GOD. big mistake.
DARN.

So i will let you go.

2009-11-19T00:27:00.002+08:00

and it's time to let myself go.
the offer is tempting.
a few days of retreat.
perhaps is all what i need.

2009-11-18T02:27:00.001+08:00

how much i hate making the same mistake twice.

self-reliance.

2009-11-17T05:57:00.002+08:00

m i become weaker or are things becoming more difficult?
i so wanted to give up and put my head down while studying juz now
then i had this sudden urge to call people and whine (then realising it's 3am plus and everyone is like sleeping alrdd)
and then i have this vision of myself sitting at a beach and stone until sunrise
oh well. im glad i pulled through tonight again all by myself anyway..
MUST BE STRONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
AHHHHHHHHH~~~

想把自己缩成一个句号

2009-11-16T16:18:00.002+08:00

this whole month is really challenging
i dont know whether to look forward to end of exams or not..
because i know the real challenge lies at the end of exams..
straight after that.
oh well..
every challenge makes a person stronger~
chiong arrr~!!!

bad bad day.

2009-11-11T09:15:00.004+08:00

indeed. ytd has been one of the worst days i ever had in my whole life.
it's a day when u go "darn.. shldnt have stepped out of the house at all"
firstly.. i reached school before the allocated time slot to collect my essay just to be told to come back 2 hours later. haiz.. it wont b that bad if i havent suffered insomnia the night before, therefore sleeping for only 3 hours..
THEN! after lunch, collected my essay whichhhh disappoint me to no end. seriously, the worst grade i ever get for any essays.
after collecting essay, i had to go meet my friends in Canteen 2 which i thought to be Canteen A/B which i always mixed up and since i thought they always wanna meet at subway/mac, i went all the way there to REALISE i went to the wrong place!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. then since my friends are meeting somewhere further away, i decide to go back to school to continue on my work..
which is to study for my maths test. which i took in the evening. which required 50 mins to complete. which was over 40 marks. which i spent 20mins of my time on a 6 marks qn trying to solve it then realising i've totally misread the most impt SENTENCE which ruined my whole solution after i hand up my paper. ARGH. totally gone. tt question.
and im alrd depressed until~~~~~~ cannot describe, so u can imagine how much i was looking forward to watching the movie i planned to watch with sammie at the end of the day..
which.
i didnt get to catch in the end.
because she got the wrong timing. and well, it was my fault for not dbl-checking too i guess. so we missed the movie.
and i was pretty unwilling to stay out too long incase any pots of plants dropped on my head which is likely the case on a very unlucky day.

LETS HOPE TODAY IS A BETTER DAY BA!!!
it cannnnttttt get worse than ytd right~!
i still wanna catch sister's keeper :(

The Clown.

2009-11-09T04:36:00.002+08:00

under the over-happy face and mask, who really knows what a clown is thinking?
clown is probably one of the most difficult jobs in the world.
and probably a good excuse to just keep laughing.
laughing requires no thinking afterall.
but what if the clown is not happy at all and yet had to pretend he is?
it's always suffocating to keep wearing a mask, i guess.

An ego too strong.

2009-11-08T18:39:00.004+08:00

i seriously hate appearing weak to anyone
and i think it's alrd starting to eat me from inside
yeah. totally not healthy,
i can so feel the maggots crawling out alrd.

argh.
it's so tempting to take the fourth choice.
selfish one yet so easy.
haiz.. anyway.. i will end up disappointing ppl.
i cant figure out which way is worse

oh god.
all these are gonna create pre-mature wrinkles.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

footprints too deep.

2009-11-05T12:46:00.003+08:00

today, i took out my handphone several times.. attempting to send a msg.
and in the end... i nvr get to send out any.
it's true that im still disappointed. still upset.
but i do miss you alot.
it's so easy for ppl to walk in and out of your life,
yet so difficult to cover the footprints up.
haiz.. certain things when lost, can be rather difficult to gain back.
and if you are reading..
do know that im always here to listen if you need a listening ear.
there's always friendship in which u can fall back in.

2009-10-30T13:23:00.002+08:00

i think i've lost the ability to cry.

The Reunion

2009-10-27T01:50:00.002+08:00

i dont really post party pictures nowadays because im too lazy..
but this is special :D
the reunion PARTY with my pri school friends..
it's pretty funny cos i was telling my mom
"GUESS WHO IM GOING OUT WITH TONIGHT!!! GLYNNIS, KEYING THEY ALL LEH!"
then she look at me and goes..
"issit those who called our home when u were in Primary 6 and complained that you were with some friends with very bad influence and u are being hated and you were being beaten up everyday?"
im like..
".......................wth. when did that happened? im supposed to be one of the most guai students in class de leh!!"
then my mom just shrugged and goes "that's what kids do.."
HAHAHAHA. ok. anyway. we were back tgt to go party as a group. and all is well. feuds from 8 years ago forgotten. cant even rmb what we were fighting over in the past. i think there was a cold war... ahh. kids being kids. HAHA

waiting for joan who told glynnis we are meeting at 9 when in fact we are gonna meet at 10 becos J thinks that G is gonna b late and J end up being the latest

huimin, glynnis, joan, keying and me~

hahaha.. i think huimin still looks the same!

then i got shila to come tooo!!!

the amt of tequila. haiz.. seeing it makes me wannaaaa puke again.. ever since the night of downing 8 tequila makes me afraid of even thinking about it..

hard liqour plus beer is lethal. remember that.

and i have no idea why i always look like i've just come out from the bath after clubbing. zz

and that's that.
it was a great night. we are practically partying like old friends and i initially thought it might get quite akward cos we havent met for long. hehhh.

2009-10-25T12:08:00.002+08:00

it's scary..
the way i torture myself sometimes.
i didnt know what i was thinking i guess.
i end up being upset at you
and terribly angry at myself.
darn, darn and darn.

Please wait for you turn.

2009-10-10T05:13:00.003+08:00

it has not been a healthy year for the family..
weird how it coincides that all three of us have to keep visiting the hospitals for check-ups and two of us having to go through surgeries.
i think im gonna have phobias in hospital and doctors soon
someone was like.. asking me to go see the doctor about the weirddd not-healing bites on my legs. and im like "enough of doctors alrd"
hospitals and polyclinics are bloooooody depressing places.

Anything to go back

2009-10-05T04:24:00.003+08:00

finally, a date has been set for what should have been done a year ago.
haunting my mind every now and then.
i guess fear, above everything, has caused me to procrastinate it time and time again.
hopefully, i will be able to enjoy my dec with a lighter heart :D

and im really looking forward to Cambodia trip (but things are not confirm yet)
and sometimes i wonder, would the kids still rmb me after 1 year?
i still have one of the boy's picture on my handphone's wallpaper.. till now :D
miss them alllll~ miss the village life, the carefree atmosphere, the day when we just walk barefooted everywhere because anyway, our feets would still be covered with sand. wasnt very used to it when we go back to the city where our feets are no longer covered with sand.

OMG. i love her eyes. and she's the one who called me PINK! hahaha! and, she's justtttttttttttt too cute. like, there's one night when we went to the village head's place to listen to an orchestra played by the kids, she was with the group of us and like.. almost all of us had a kid with us and she was with me. then we took off the shoes to climb up to the village head's place, after the whole performance.. i let her take the stairs down first.. AND. when she reached the ground, she immediately look for my shoes to give it to me so i wont need to look in the dark for my shoes. omg. i think i would just rmb that scene for the rest of my life. it's that small action that makes me think that months of preparing and fund-raising was all worth it. i miss those days when she will just runnnn and hug me whenever she saw me.

OMGG. one of my favourites. i keep thinking she cant really talk, until one day when i was playing with her, she suddenly talk to me!! even though i cant understand what she said, but i was sooooo darn happy can! cos she has never spoken infront of any others~!! hahahaah!! AND HER BANGS!! i totally regret cutting that retarded hairstyle else i wld have the same hairstyle with her (before the trip, i had bangs like her) then we can like take pictures tgt like the BANGS sisters or something. lol.

awwwwwww. my favourite boy.. in yellow!! Niapppp~ soooo cute looking!!!! in all the 10 days i were there.. he wore the same attire.. poor kids.. i think we must have look weird to them.. have different sets of clothes to wear everyday...

i dont know whether would we be going back to the village but i certainly hope we can go back and see them. loveeeeeesssss

You probably would wanna know.

2009-10-02T19:20:00.004+08:00

seriously.
what makes u think i will do stuff to hurt you?
what have i done in the past to make you think this way?
what motives do u think i was harbouring?
...
what have you turned into alrd?

and mannnn
i finish the last of my barley mentos! darn it

Good Game.

2009-10-01T04:55:00.004+08:00

i dunno whether issit that you dont care or you dont know.
you have no idea how disappointed i am of you. whichever way it was.
and it was another blow
when other people who know u in a shorter period than me told me they alrd knew it was coming
when they told me "see. i knew it." or "i told you so" or "haiyah.. we predicted this would happen alrd.."
and i thought i knew you.
but i didn't see it coming AT ALL.
i guess i was wrong.
utterly wrong.

3cm.

2009-09-29T05:02:00.003+08:00

because crying makes one look weak.
and i know
the more i try to act like im strong
the more defensive i get.
it's suicidal. i know.
sometimes i just feel like isolating myself again.
i thought i can survive alright alone.

until one day, i was sitting in the hospital alone waiting for my check-up

N: alright, done. i think ur mom should be waiting for you outside?
Me: no. i came alone.
N: oh.................. alright.. then.. wait outside for awhile until i call for you?

the fear threatening to break free was too much to bear alone.

it's REST time.........

2009-09-25T16:52:00.003+08:00

OMG.RECESS WEEK HAS FINALLY COME. (been looking forward to it since... i dunno.. first day of school?_
AFTER WEEKS AND WEEKS AND WEEKS OF LACK OF SLEEP. ULTIMATE STRESS AND WHAT NOT....
FINALLY.
FINALLLLYYYY
FINALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY.
BWAHHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

actually not much resting either.. zz.. just tt i would be able to wake up NATURALLY (SO BLOODY IMPT NOWADAYS) on some of the days.. and RECESS WEEK meant i have to start on my two HISTORY ASSIGNMENT. (YEAH YEAH. SEA AND US HISTORY. HERE I COME) and to finally tackle that pile of readings hat seems to always keep increasing.
oh wow. now 1 week seems to be darn short. darn it.

THE PINK DAY

2009-09-24T02:22:00.002+08:00

i know. a month overdue.
HAHA.
still.
THE PINK DAY- 23RD AUGUST 2009.
LOVES FROM BERNARD TAN AND GLADYS NG

was late and met BTSS in Taka.. who gave me the first pressie- Number 11!
then insisting one going to juicy coulture to shop.. so we went there .. and then!!
saying tt we should go somewhere and guess who i met outside the shop!
HAHAH. gladys ng of cos.
their way of a special appearance. LOL. pretending to walk past me and suddenly seeing me.. haha.. so they explain how my bdae would go about that day.
i will have 20 different gifts becos it's my 20th bdae. each gift has different meanings. and i can request for different pressies at different stages. two at a time. no repeating or the gift would be forfeited! but anyway.. they gave me NUMBER 12 at that point of time which is a flower anddddddddddddd.....
a pink flufflyyy.. ok. i dunno wot issit called. anyway. so i had to wear that down orcharrd and apparently for the whole day.

i know man. i look darn weird. LOL. and the geek specs was forced upon by btss!

u see how the colours clashed??? they were hoping i would b wearing pink tho. LOL...

THEN.. we are going for NUMBER 18
which is apparentlyyyyy. seat number 18 in the cinema watchinggg THE PROPOSAL!

with super big tub of popcorn!!!!!

hahaha.. then along the way .. they will give me some of the pressies according to the numbers i request..
ANYWAY! after the movie!! we went for dinner atttttt

first time thereeee!!! ahaha.. and a bag full of pressies from them!!

and there.. they gave me all the rest of my pressies!! except for Number 1 and Number 20! becos according to them.. it's the most impt of all

yes.. lots and lots of goodies for my pressie

SPOT! ROYCE CHOCOLATE CHIP!

DINNER OF THE DAY!! i love carbonara

my fav gift of all. the photo of us three! that's pressie number 3!

AND FINALLY. THE LAST TWO PRESSIE. NUMBER 1 AND 20!

1 CAKE. 20 CANDLES. (hahaha.. im like.. wthhhh..)
but im darn touched. they made an effort to look for 17pink candles and 3 red ones which represented the 3 of us.. and they made an effort to go around looking for all the pressies.. i was nearly moved to tears at a point of time. seriously. and yes, it's in a shape of heart

one of my fav presents.. AND. we are even sitting at table no. 23 :D

not wasting any precious time of my bdae! we went sheesha-ingggg at our all-time fav place

lovesss~

and there u go. pressie 1-20

pressie
NUMBER 1- cake
NUMBER 2- fake eyelashes
NUMBER 3- a photo of us three
NUMBER 4- 4 mini lollipop
NUMBER 5- 5 meiji chocolate candies
NUMBER 6- a belt. with 6 holes on it.... haha
NUMBER 7- a string of one of my fav biscuits *check up the collage* it comes in a week pack. so it's for 7 days
NUMBER 8- a star bracelets. there's 8 stars on it
NUMBER 9- a box of candies wih 9 different candies in it!
NUMBER 10- a frame with 'PINK YITING' decorated on it. there's 10 characters :)
NUMBER 11- bikini~ tt cost 11bucks. hahaha
NUMBER 12- pink daisy + pink fluffy scarf
NUMBER 13- a bag of 13 different tidbits
NUMBER 14- 7 pairs of earrings!! so that's 14 earrings. haha
NUMBER 15- royce chocolate chip~!!
NUMBER 16- birthday card~
NUMBER 17- another bracelet that comes with 17 ornaments
NUMBER 18- my movie~
NUMBER 19- a box with 19 different chocolates!
NUMBER 20- 20 CANDLES!

hahahah.. i love every single things they gave. they had to go around and find stuff that goes with the number. i appreciated the effort.. really.
thanks my loves~! muacks!

Marathon

2009-09-23T18:03:00.003+08:00

i think my body has reach a new high achievement.
have not slept for more than 24 hours.
to finish up my assignment.
has gone through a presentation.
emceed an event.

best part of all?
10 hours straight on heels
when the sun havent rise till the sun half-setting
im surprise i didnt just collapse and die at school

oh god..
it has never feel so good to finally be at home...........................

One of the few rare green stuff i love..

2009-09-21T02:46:00.003+08:00

B: "bought your favourite sweets! remind me to bring tml"
yt: "eh. wots my favourite sweets?"

*phone rings*
B: "U IDIOT. ur favourite sweet. is. Barley Mentos."

YESSS. how can i everrr forget.............
the days when i always buy one every morning
imagine my horror when i found it gone.
not to be sold in Singapore. i have no idea why.
so it's not available here anymore :(
but it's available in MALAYSIA!!!
so for those who will dropped by there..... please help me stocked up!!
it's like my best comfort sweets.
ANYWAY. this is just in time for my these few nights of chionging.
HOMEWORK I MEAN. i know the first word tt jumped into ur mind would be "clubbing"
maths test on tues. assignment, presentation by wed. and emcee-ing an event directly after my presentation
dont even have time to start worrying abt the last one.
ahh.. at least i would have my barley mentos to accompany me through the night of doing the assignment on moral education...
AHHHHHHHHHHH.
(p.s. ive got a feeling i blog about barley mentos before. but i cant really rmb. argh. goldfish memory. im just procrastinating again. i know)

Poison

2009-09-20T05:59:00.001+08:00

My current fav song.
keep repeating it and repeating it and repeating it :)

Youre bad for me I clearly get it
I dont see how something good could come from loving you
The death of me must be your mission
Cause with every hug and kiss youre snatching every bit of strenght
That Im gon need to fight off the inevitable
And its a heart breaking situation Im up in, but I cant control

Chorus
Youre just like poison
Slowly moving through my system
Breaking all of my defenses with time
Youre just like poison and I just dont get it
How can something so deadly feel so right?
Im not sure of what to do its a 22
cause the cure is found in you I dont want it but I do
Youre just like poison
My affliction, Im addiction, I can't lie
Kiss me one more time before I die

Verse 2
You aint right take me high
Then that high it subsides
And my body flat lines
Then you come to revive
Wait wait wait Im alive
But how long will it last
Will it all come crashing down?
How many doses am I needing now?
Whats the prognosis will you be around?
Or am I just another victim of an assassin that broke my heart down

Chorus
Baby youre just like poison
Slowly moving through my system
Breaking all of my defenses with time
Youre just like poison
And I just dont get it
How can something so deadly
Feel so right
Im not sure of what to do
Its a catch 22
Cause the cure is found in you
I dont want it but I do
Youre just like poison
My affliction, Im addicted, I caint lie
Kiss me one more time before I die

Bridge
Its just not my body (No)
Its my mind, you dont know
How many times I told myself
This can't do (can't do)
And that I dont need you (No I dont need you)
Its so unfair that I find myself right back in your care
And whats good is that when youre not always there
You know that for my health (my health)
Youre just like poison (whoa whoa whoa) x2

Chorus
youre just like poison
Slowly moving through my system
Breaking all of my defenses with time
Youre just like poison
And I just dont get it
How can something so deadly
Feel so right
Im not sure of what to do
Its a catch 22
Cause the cure is found in you
I dont want it but I do
Youre just like poison
My affliction, Im addicted, I can't lie
Baby Kiss me one more time (repeat chorus)

Fly to somewhere else.

2009-09-18T03:05:00.002+08:00

im on a budget lifestyle now.
cutting down on clubbing, kbox, food, and shopping.
so i can support my 'around SEA' tour.
ok. not really. hahaha.. only three countries.
Bangkok. Cambodia. Vietnam.
if everything goes right,
i will be away most of the december.

EXCITED!!!!!!!!

Procrastination

2009-09-12T16:18:00.001+08:00

i opened a blank document 15 hours ago. left it. finally start on it 4 hours ago.

at least it's no longer blank

Too weak.

2009-09-10T03:11:00.000+08:00

sometimes you care too much,
most of the time you dont give a darn.
we are better off friends.
and u know it.

i wanna...

2009-09-08T02:40:00.002+08:00

1) go bangkok. i really really want to.
2) sleep and woke up to find all my projects and assignment done
3) my holidays back ( i totally regret saying i miss doing homework alrd)
4) somehow possessed a superpower to read that piles of readings lying on the floor in my room and screaming "darn you! when are you gonna pull urself out of denial and FINALLY TOUCH US" within hours. oh. and understand it at the same time.
5) have a fairy that will tidy up my room in like. a snap of fingers. or something like tt.
6) A STUDY BUDDY PLEASE? i need someone to pull me up and do something!!!
7) strike 4d. so i can pay my handphone bill. once and for all
8) go to gym AKA dbl O. oh crap. this is so much easier to accomplish than the rest. pfft.
9) learn to ride. and buy a scooter. SO. I CAN. STOP. TAKING BLOODY. MRT. AND BUS. TO. SCHOOL. EVERY. MORNING. (took 3 hours of transport for 1 hour lesson again. AND. keep getting laughed for it. pfft)
10) i wanna go bangkok. i think i mention this before. oh well

SOMEONE HELP ME.
OH GOD

Too tired to think of a title

2009-09-05T02:24:00.002+08:00

SCHOOL. is like this hugeee energy-sucker.
it suck all the energy out of me
making me having to crawl back home everyday
and im kinda getting a phobia of travelling almost everyday from tamp to boon lay
THEN. thursday and ESPECIALLY FRIDAY are such stressful mornings
because my lecturer could not take lateness.. late one min oso cannot.
HENG AR. she was late this morning and i was late too..
i reach just when she reached.
i nearly broke down in the bus because it's moving oh-so-slowly and stopping at freaking every single stop
the stress alrd took a freaking huge toll on me alrd. imagine. early in the morning.
and now my day consists of sleeping at every time i could get, school, tutorials, readings.
i got so much readings. and im going nlb to zap more readings........

AND GET THIS. im actually better at the maths im doing in school now. i hope NHJ is proud at me now. LOL
ok. i'll try to blog the PINK day soon. needa tidy up my room. i always wake up to a nightmare that i created every morning it's becoming overwhelming.
zzzz

19 going on to 20

2009-08-30T01:35:00.002+08:00

LALALAAL!!!
omg
i realise if i used my house's internet connection.. i cannot blog with pictures!!
wthhhh...
ANYWAY.
of me celebrating whole week long. sometimes i wonder what i done in my previous life to deserve such great friends. who stop at nothing to give me an enjoyable day! lovessss

lalalalala~ me and jh reached early to fill waterbombs!!

and tommie came to help to start the fireee (LOOK AT THE HOTDOGS. WE HAVE LIKE SO MANY PACKETS OF HOTDOGS)

THE DRINKS!!!

csy came with caennnnnnn!! so cuteee!! loveeee her :D (specially wore pink hor her.. while everyone wears BLACK!!!!!!! PFFTT)

hehh.. one of the organizers for the bbq, meiting!!! :D

me and csyyyyyyy!!

me and freddy who always dont wanna take a proper picture. pffftt

awww. so sweet!!!!!!!

me and shilalalalalalala~

me and TOMMIIEEEEEE

lester came tooooo! haha

hehhh. part of the organization team!!! :D

HTHT gang!

the 'must-take' picture

i was very suspicious while taking this picture!! look at fabian's face!! he suddenly came and say wanna take picture! i fully suspect he wanna attack me with waterbomb...

meizhen and meeee

hahaha.. this was after the waterbomb game.. we were allllll wet

ash decide to give me a birthday present........

a hunk...

SAMMIE CAMEEEE WITH BAILEYS!

lesboooo with me :D

windzzzz, jh and me!! they put in alot of efforts doing the shopping and planning!! thanks peepssss

and they prepared a small cake for me and justus (august baby tooo!)

with me unsuspectingly blowing the candles. not knowing what will befall (look at top left.. the paper plate thing and justus' face)

GONEEEE...

and jerome will nvr escaped it.. purely becos it's him

hahaha.. the 'milk' smell still stays in my clothes despite washing it for one weekkkkk!!!!

tadaaaa.. and we had a drinking game which... results in...

hehhh!! succeeded once again!! of cos their next target was me but i was saved by the thunderstorm!! :D

anywayyy. i had a greattt nighttttt thanks toooooo all those who helped organized and came!!!!!
hehh.. will blog abt part 2 of the dayyyyyy soonnnn!

DUMBASS

2009-08-25T23:35:00.000+08:00

OMGGG. i dunnno what the helllll is wrong with blogspot!!!
i got so manyyyy pictures to posst but it wont let me load pictures up!!!!!!!!!!
caen's 1st, national day and my birthday!!!!!!

OMGGGG. ALLL PHOTOS STILL IN PHOTOBUCKET!!
ARGHHH

IM 20!!!

2009-08-23T05:28:00.000+08:00

OMG. I CANT BELIEVE IM 20
and everyone says time flies after u reached 20...
AHHHHHHHHHH

i had a fun time with the WLNY ppl today!!
great crowd. lovely people :)
update more later. needa sleep early for part 2 later in the afternoon with BTSS and DS Ng!

the ancient times

2009-08-21T14:39:00.002+08:00

ha!
i felt so satisfied after finishing my maths tutorial (all by myself!)
been probably 1 year plus since i do any maths tutorial!

LOL.
i know.
something very wrong with me if i enjoy doing my maths tutorial.
i realise im quite good at translating Hindu Arabic into babylonian, egyptian, roman and mayan symbols.
BET U CANT DO IT
BWAHAHAHAH

The high walls.

2009-08-18T17:54:00.002+08:00

it's not the first time
someone commented that im defensive.
i am.
infact.
very.

and i realise.
the higher i build the wall,
the weaker i become.
and in the end,
the wall will collapse around me.

slow suicide,
good game.

People come, People go.

2009-08-17T03:50:00.002+08:00

I dont know since when...
i keep thinking of that phrase.
"People come, People go..."
there will be these people who had once leave a very large impact in your life..
and then they disappear.. gradually.
mayb it's because you have stepped into another phrase of life..
mayb it's because you don't bother to keep contact..
mayb it's because of a quarrel
mayb it's because of having another more important person in your life
mayb it's because of the distance
mayb...
then people go on with their seperate lives..
weird how life works eh?
anyway. it's just a random thought..something to ponder over with.
hahaha!

Tampines' best kept secret.

2009-08-15T03:12:00.000+08:00

OK. blogspot is being weird recently.

and since school reopen. i've been freaking busy LIKE DUNNO WOT.
SLC, printing of notes (freaking 200 pages of them), looking for tutorial classes (getting lost for my morning class and only realise im walking the wrong way after i walked past two of my classmates who are heading for the opposite way... then i pretended to go fill waterbottle... despite knowing no one is looking. ), and learning numbers in babylonian, egyptian and god knows what. but it's interesting. seriously.

ALRIGHT. AS PROMISED. THE HANGOVER 2: SHENG SHIONG PLASTIC BAG. (i've still got national day parade and the pictures are still in my camera and i foresee two busy weekends filled with events. so i better quickly do the uploading.. LOL)

CREDITS TO SHILA!!!!!! hahaha. nice poster (despite wrong date)

totally. crazy. night. club-hopped from dbl o to zouk to rebel.

conquering dbl o with ard 11 drinks each. down in less than 1 hour. it was a miracle i didnt dropped dead right outside the club

and of cos. my clubbing buddy for the past few months :D

then jumping to Zoukkkk~K~KK..

reaching zouk with another round of dunno whatissit. ANYWAY. justus was like standing behind me and asking me to take one then i couldnt recognize him so im like "FREE ONE AR!".. then he's like.. "eh! u can recognize me not. im justus leh.." LOL. darn pai seh.
anyway. met upppp with the rest of the gang in ZoukkK~

the foursome sisters :D

with FREDDY CHOO! the nobody KING. dance it!

HAHAHAH. best neighbours!!! windz and MT!

THE GUYS! (with jerome i think alrd half gone)

how can not take a picture with the MAIN LEAD of the day. :D PRESENTING JEROME.

then starts the MASKS CRAZE. nahhh. not zouk's theme. It's our theme :D
the masterminds (part of)

LOL. see how big my eyes can get. with a mask, u can always do retarded expression without looking too ugly :x

wee! foursome sistas in masks.

gays in action. live in zouk. nowhere else.

Told ya it's a secret

PROUDLY PRESENTED BY THE BELOVED HTHT ORGANIZATION in which your secrets will always be confined within the group. (HTHT = Heart To Heart Talk)

HTHT masterminds!!!

csy and mz came verrrry lateee!! they knew im gone when im screaming their names. LOL

and we know we succeeded when jerome ends up beside the toilet bowl. no pictures of him in the toilet!

Going to rebel!! then there's no more pictures! er.. because of obvious reason!
ANYWAY. rebel was so much more fun than zouk!! we went zouk becos we wanna hear NOBODY NOBODY BUT CHIUUU~ it was darn fun tho when the song came on and we were screaming and dancing away.. HAHA.

Loves loves. :D

ok. posting all these pictures made me worried what kind of pictures i will end up having on 22nd............
......
......
can we ban camera on that night?

It's Einstein, not Edison

2009-08-07T01:22:00.008+08:00

LOL. i realise i uploaded some pictures and forgot to blog abt it..

yes.with the CAI, im always in for something healthy and educational....

And here we goooooo. Science Centre AND Da Vinci Exhibition.

i like it better in the science centre tho. LOL

The dino outside science centre!! WAS quite fascinated by it,.. cos it was roaring away.. LOL

then we went in and try our hands on the science thingy there!!!

look at the children's happy facesssss. (LOL)

We nvr ever. i repeat. never. miss out on a camwhoring chance

and who dont love to play with thissss

the kids trying to solve the problem while i seek out camwhoring areas

OHHH... look. if u see this from an angle.. it looks like that...

if u put ur eyes behind this peekhole.. u will see this!

i always loved maths. even if i do curse it to hell

turtle looking smaller than she is alrd..

JH! GUESS WHAT. I SAW SO MANY XIANG SI DOU IN SCIENCE CENTRE!!!i finally know wot they look like

i hate to think of the day when i become like tt. but at least i would not need to worry abt being too fat then.

i stayed darnnn long there. trying to psycho those eggs to break becos the board said it would be hatching that day

Electric chairrrrr!!

being back to primary school life

i seriously thought there's a real jackpot in science centre. BUT NO. it is just a machine tt tells u how difficult it was to hit jackpot. LIKE I CAREE. RAWRR

brrr.. freezing cold in there

then we went for da vinci which we didnt spent long there. AND. no phototaking allowed inside anyway. ( no wonder we didnt spent long there..)

back to science centre!!!!

alright. that's it. wanted to blog abt hangover2 but end up blogging abt this. NVM. that post will be up VERYYYYY SOON!!
TAMPINES BEST KEPT SECRET. up next :D